Speaking Your Husband's Love Language Improves Communication

love language pin

Carlos and I were given the assignment to read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman when we went through pre-marital counseling. Our marriage has had its share of challenges but when we made the decision to stay together, I realized that we needed to go back to the basics.

How I Am Learning to Love Again

I wiped the dust off of this book and decided that I needed to rediscover my husband so that I could gain a better understanding of how best to communicate with him. Understanding that Carlos’ primary love language is Words of Affirmation was a first step and let’s be clear that acknowledging this is a daily process. I am more cognizant of my actions and how they impact our level of communication which is directly related to true intimacy. I have to be intentional about speaking his love language which is a challenge for me. In full transparency, my mouth can get away from me at times so there are times when my words aren’t encouraging, loving, kind, or uplifting. However, these are the things that fuel him so if I fail to speak his love language by affirming him, I can drive a wedge between us and impair our ability to communicate in a healthy way as husband wife.

Speaking Your Husband’s Love Language

Wives from my experience, understanding your husband’s love language:

  1. Makes him feel like a priority– I know that it makes Carlos feel good when is “seen” by me because I have a million things going on as most women do. However, taking the time to speak his love language can be as simple as me sending a quick text throughout the day to say, “I love you, or thank you, I really appreciate you!”


  1. Strengthens his ability to initiate communication and resolve conflict quickly– If I am not using my words to build Carlos up consistently, he will distance himself from me. Why? Because he doesn’t feel safe emotionally which is very important. If he knows that he can come and talk to me without it becoming a “thing,” he is more willing to initiate communication. Not only that, I’ve noticed that he is quicker to apologize or take responsibility for issues that may arise between us.


  1. Helps him to acknowledge and speak your love language-My love language is Quality Time. Carlos knows that date days/nights, finding moments for us to spend uninterrupted time together, and creating the conditions for this to happen is extremely important to me. I am very quick to affirm him when he makes these opportunities happen. We both fill each other’s cup because my appreciation is a guarantee of future opportunities for quality time.


Carlos and I both have secondary love languages and I personally believe that love languages can be fluid because as people we grow and change. That’s a another blog post for another day but I hope that if you aren’t familiar with your own or your spouse’s love language that you will take the time to explore this topic because it will change the way you communicate with your spouse.

Learn More About The Five Love Languages here:


The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts

Danielle Boyd


I'm Danielle. I'm a wife, mother, and educator residing in Durham, NC. I am here to share my take on life through my own lens. I hope that my writing inspires you to live the life you've been given with purpose. Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave questions and comments as I would love to interact with you!

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