Super mom.....rethinking her existence.

Recently a group of colleagues were sharing working mom stories. One of them stated that she felt that she would not be able to sustain her career and be a mom although she desired children. This discussion was in a group chat with about 60 members, male and female. Throughout the day I would glance over the comments yet I did not feel like it was my place to comment. Why? I do not like to talk about my personal business. What if they disagreed with my comment? Could I really bring something of worth to this discussion?  I pondered those thoughts until the next day and finally decided to speak because the conversation was still a hot topic. I briefly told them my story and my ending phrase was “Don’t try to be a super mom…..she doesn’t exist”.

Hi my name is Felicia Tucker and I am married to the man of dreams who keeps me grounded with sarcastic humor and reminds me not to take myself too seriously. We are raising three babies: Matthew (5), Madelyn (2) and Ethan (2). In addition, I work full time so like all moms my life can get a bit crazy. My day typically starts at 5:30 as I roll over and start to think through the days’ activities.  I try to sneak in my quiet time before getting myself dressed, the kids dressed, breakfast prepared and heading out the door at a frantic pace. I must admit that oftentimes the mornings can be so hectic that my sweet time of devotion has disappeared before I can back out of the garage. So as I’m pulling out of the driveway I have to say another pray and ask that the Lord would continue to grant me grace with every step that I take. The kids are dropped off at daycare and school and I finally make it to work. Even though I don’t always feel like it my coworkers comment on how much they admire me and that I’m a super mom for managing my marriage, family, career and smiling the entire time. Truth be told when I feel overwhelmed, inadequate or frustrated I feel less than and not super at all. So for me super mom is a figment of my imagination and she only appears when everything is picture perfect. As a result I have had to recalibrate my thoughts on what is really means to be a super mom. As a Marvel comic fan I was able to draw from them for inspiration.

The foundational scripture for this super mom is Psalm 127:3: Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. I firmly believe this and because they are gifts, which He created I can ask him for help in guiding and raising them. Superheroes are given a community to guard and protect and the same is true for my children. The best way to understand and know your children is through prayer. One of my prayers for our children is that He would teach me how to be the parent that they need. What does this mean? “Lord I know that you created them for a specific purpose, you have given them unique gifts and they are wired by you, reveal those to me so that I can encourage and support them in those areas which I pray will bring you glory”. Children are a gift and He has entrusted us to raise them up according to His ways. (see Proverbs 22:6). His word has given us the blueprint in raising our children so instead of trying to do it on my own I choose to partner with Him to help me through every stage of their lives.

A practical example would be my 5 year-old loves technology and video games. Studies related to health and education, recommend limiting video game, tablet and technology time to 30 minutes or less or day. As a new mom I would stress myself out trying to make sure that Matthew only spent 30 minutes or less using technology. Fast forward to kindergarten he is thriving and it doesn’t appear as if time with technology has stunted his ability to learn. The crazy part is we use it to help with his sight words and part of his curriculum requires time on the tablet. Matthew was wired with a love for games and gadgets why not use that to our advantage. Now does he spend all day playing games and on the tablet? No, we do provide parameters but I’m not stressed if he plays for 45 minutes instead of 30.

Finally all superheroes have a sidekick or they work with a team, league or crew. Oftentimes as moms we believe the lie that we are all alone, we have to do everything on our own and if not we are failures. I have fallen into the trap of making dinner, being the class mom, keeping the house spotless then assisting with homework only to be exhausted and annoyed. Instead of enjoying time with my family I am trying to paint the perfect picture of a super mom who can do it all instead of relying on my greatest resource…my husband. I Peter 4:8-10 says, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. I have had to learn to 1. Ask help and 2. Receive it in the way it is given and not how I think it should be given. My husband told me “Felicia you ask me to help you but you always move so fast that I cannot help you”. My husband has a gift to offer and it is my job to accept it in whatever form it is given and rest. So I encourage you to surround yourself with a community who will encourage, pray, babysit, clean and maybe even cook a meal then pay it back to a fellow mom. Do not deprive them from sowing into your life and the lives of your children. We need each other. If you do not have a crew then ask the Lord to send them to you because He will.

So to all my super moms I challenge you to rethink your idea of what she looks like. Remember we have been called to this great mission and instead of trying to do it on our own we should rely on Christ to guide us (see Proverbs 3:5-6). I mean even Batman had Robin.

Felicia Tucker

Hi, my name is Felicia Tucker and I am a wife and mom of three. My world consists of fostering a healthy marriage and nurturing my children while integrating that into my career. It is never a dull moment! I am learning how to enjoy the small moments, not sweat the small stuff and go to sleep with the toys strewn over the living room floor.

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