Wife Life Guest Blogger Series

Guest Blogger: Debranetta Howard

Proverbs 25:24 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (NIV)

I’ve grown tremendously in the nine years that I have been married. I’m sure there were seasons in our marriage when my husband was on the brink of sleeping on the “corner of the roof”.

For us, life took off fast! I had to immediately learn how to balance mommy life and wife life. I have a bonus son and just after our first anniversary we welcomed our first daughter. Amid it all, I was also an ambitious career woman who wore many other hats in my community.

I struggled to balance my competing priorities during the early years of our marriage.  I desired to be an amazing wife who cooked, helpmate, and ensured we had our quality husband and wife time.  On the other hand, I wanted to be an amazing mom who spent as much time with my kids as possible. I found myself dropping the ball all over the place and I became frustrated and irritable.

Sadly, my husband took the brunt of my frustration.  My actions were that of the Proverbs 25 wife, quarrelsome.  I was quick to argue out of frustration and burn out.

Looking back on this season, I realized that my life lacked balance and the appropriate systems in place for me to succeed in my roles.  Here are 4 ways to create balance so you can have a peaceful and harmonious marriage.

creating balance in marriage

 

Prioritize your Husband

I’m a planner mom.  I love planning out my months, weeks, and days.  I noticed that I would plan my kid’s activities, work priorities, personal commitments and there was rarely anything planned for our marriage.  I’ve since made changes and now I ensure we have scheduled family discussions, date nights, and activities.

Prioritizing your marriage sets the tone for a productive marriage.  Remember this cadence, God. Husband. Children! If you remember this hierarchy it will help you to balance your competing priorities.

Minimize Frustration

Frustration also has a compounding effect when left unchecked. The more you dwell in your frustration the more quarrelsome you can become.

Recognize what triggers your frustration and implement ways to mitigate them. You can start by focusing on your mindset.  When you are feeling overwhelmed focus on what is going right and divert attention from what may be going wrong.  This simple adjustment is powerful.

Balance

Balance is not a bad word.  We can create balance by being intentional with the activities, responsibilities and the commitments you take on.  Ensure commitments align with your goals, family goals, and objectives for the current season.  It is equally important for husbands and wives to be on one accord in terms of what balance looks like for their family.

As a bonus, look for opportunities to streamline your daily routines.  Take a week or two and evaluate your processes for cooking, cleaning etc. and look for opportunities to streamline and reduce the stress related to those activities.

When you find yourself tipping the balance scales of wife life, mommy life, work, etc, pivot and adjust quickly.

Give yourself Grace to Grow

Allow your marriage and your life to evolve and grow. Focus on the season that you are in a grow through your challenges.  Take mental note of the lessons learned so that you won’t repeat them in future season. Once you find your rhythm you will enjoy a more peaceful and harmonious marriage.

guest blogger photo
Debranetta Howard is the founder of Career Mom Community, a support community, blog and educational hub focused on providing resources and strategies for working moms to be successful in all areas of their lives.  Her mission is to help moms from all backgrounds to navigate life strategically for the benefit of their families and professional goals.
Mrs. Howard also provides coaching and consulting to ambitious moms in need of action plans and road maps that lead down a path of both growth and development.Mrs. Howard has been featured on numerous Podcast and has delivered her keynote speech, “The Truth About Balance for Working Moms and Mompreneurs” to audiences along the east coast.  You can follow Career Mom Community on FB and follow Debranetta on IG at CoachD_theCareerMom.