Speaking Your Husband’s Love Language Improves Communication Carlos and I were given the assignment to read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman when we went through pre-marital counseling. Our marriage has had its share of challenges but when we made the decision to stay together, I realized that we needed to go back to the basics. How I Am Learning to Love Again I wiped the dust off of this book and decided that I needed to rediscover my husband so that I could gain a better understanding of how best to communicate with him. Understanding that Carlos’ primary love language is Words of Affirmation was a first step and let’s be clear that acknowledging this is a daily process. I am more cognizant of my actions and how they impact our level of communication which is directly related to true intimacy. I have to be intentional about speaking his love language which is a challenge for me. In full transparency, my mouth can get away from me at times so there are times when my words aren’t encouraging, loving, kind, or uplifting. However, these are the things that fuel him so if I fail to speak his love language by affirming him, I can drive a wedge between us and impair our ability to communicate in a healthy way as husband wife. Speaking Your Husband’s Love Language Wives from my experience, understanding your husband’s love language: Makes him feel like a priority– I know that it makes Carlos feel good when is “seen” by me because I have a million things going on as most women do. However, taking the time to speak his love language can be as simple as me sending a quick text throughout the day to say, “I love you, or thank you, I really appreciate you!”   Strengthens his ability to initiate communication and resolve conflict quickly– If I am not using my words to build Carlos up consistently, he will distance himself from me. Why? Because he doesn’t feel safe emotionally which is very important. If he knows that he can come and talk to me without it becoming a “thing,” he is more willing to initiate communication. Not only that, I’ve noticed that he is quicker to apologize or take responsibility for issues that may arise between us.   Helps him to acknowledge and speak your love language-My love language is Quality Time. Carlos knows that date days/nights, finding moments for us to spend uninterrupted time together, and creating the conditions for this to happen is extremely important to me. I am very quick to affirm him when he makes these opportunities happen. We both fill each other’s cup because my appreciation is a guarantee of future opportunities for quality time.   Carlos and I both have secondary love languages and I personally believe that love languages can be fluid because as people we grow and change. That’s a another blog post for another day but I hope that if you aren’t familiar with your own or your spouse’s love language that you will take the time to explore this topic because it will change the way you communicate with your spouse.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text]Learn More About The Five Love Languages here:   The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts

Communicate Communicate Communicate! Ranisha Moore-Guest Blogger Everyone says marriage is a lot of work. I do agree that it might not be the easiest at times but it isn’t a lot of work like most people say. I remember when I first got engaged to my husband there were so many negative comments about marriage in general. Now I did receive some genuine congratulatory messages but on the other hand I still had others to say “go girl congratulations but honey you can have being married.” Like, what is that to say to someone that just got engaged!!! Like the old saying goes “not everyone is going to be happy for you,” just be mindful of that! My husband and I dated for five years and this July we will be HAPPILY married for four years. Have there been challenges? Absolutely! But we have learned to work through them. I must say that our main challenge has been communicating and that has been less on his behalf and more so on mine. I myself am a talker and don’t mind talking with my husband but I would only vent if it concerned us and our marriage. However, if something is bothering me outside of our marriage,I would harbor those feelings even though when he would ask me what was wrong, I would respond with “nothing.” I have found that if there are instances where things are bothering me that may not even have anything to do with our marriage, I must talk to my husband about it. If I don’t, it tends to create a problem in our relationship. I now realize and understand that if I can’t talk to anyone else regardless if it concerns our marriage, I should always be able to talk to my husband. Here recently he asked if I was okay and I replied “no I’m not”. It felt so good to just tell him what was going on even though it didn’t concern us. A successful marriage thrives on the open exchange of desires, emotions, feelings and beliefs. Without effective communication in a marriage I personally think that it will lead to a disconnect in many areas of the relationship. Poor communication can create a sense of dissatisfaction, confusion, restlessness and fear between partners. It can also lead both partners to wonder if the other person is being faithful or whether they might have found someone else. When communicating be mindful that not only do you need to communicate negative but also positive thoughts as well. If he looks fine and scrumptious , SIS TELL HIM !!! Never hold anything back. Many may argue this point but YOUR HUSBAND IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. Therefore, your husband should know everything and anything about you. No one should be able to tell your spouse something about you and vice versa.  Communication is the glue that holds marriages together. Do you want your marriage to endure the hard times? Communicate! Communicate! Communicate![/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text]   Lover of Christ wife, teacher, entrepreneur, ambassador are just a few of the titles that Ranisha B. Moore holds. Known online as “The Cost Conscious Fashionista” Ranisha Moore is a fashion and beauty influencer where her most recent work has been published at CATO.com, rue21.com, and Wal-Mart. Most recently she has become a motivational speaker and is a active advocate to end domestic violence from where she has her self-survived. She has shared her story with men and women alike at thecostconsciousfashionista.com entitled “Purple Is for Me I Survived.” Her ultimate goal is to use her story of surviving domestic violence, as well as fashion and beauty as a catalyst to empower women to have a positive self-image and confidence. Encouraging them that you can overcome any struggle.   Follow Ranisha at the following : Instagram: @the_cost_conscious-fashionista Facebook: Ranisha Brown Moore Twitter: @ranisha82

Wife Life Guest Blogger Series Guest Blogger: Shilene Aaron As I embark on the 7th year of marriage, I can’t help but think about all the high’s, the low’s and the in-betweens.  Some days were all that and other days, tuh, I wished I was single….I’m just saying.  I’m keeping it real.  My marriage has not been a fairytale and I don’t portray it to be.  After the Wedding and honeymoon comes the after-party and real life situations that will test your commitment to each other.   Marriage has been a daily act to keep working on us and choosing to love each other. In case you’re wanting to embark on the marriage life.  Let me share with you 6 things I’ve learned along this marriage journey in my 6 ½ years as a married woman.   1. After God, keep each other first.  Don’t give room for anyONE or anyTHING to come between you two. Whether it’s your children, parents a hobby or a job.  Your spouse comes first! 2.  Respect your Spouse as you want to be respected. Always have your spouse in mind when making decisions or agreements. My husband and I touch base with each other when making decisions that affect each other and our family.  It’s not asking for permission, it’s out of respect as you’re not only responsible for yourself and Marriage is not all about you. 3.  It takes two / both husband and wife to make the marriage work. 100/100 ALL IN!!! Marriage is not a one-sided agreement. You both vowed to love and care for each other, not one always giving and the other doing all the receiving.  There may be times when one is down and the other might have to kick in and do a little more but majority of the time you both should be working to make the marriage work. 4.  Keep others out of your marriage (mom, dad, siblings, in-laws, best friends etc), people will always have something to say from the outside looking in. Some will give unsolicited advice or opinions and others will give wise counsel. Use wisdom to discern who’s for you and who’s against you.  Take the advice that works for you and leave the rest there.  The less they know, the better.  Period. 5. Everyone’s marriage is different.  Don’t compare your marriage to another, don’t compare your spouse to another. You have no clue what they are dealing with behind the scenes or what they have had to deal with to get to the place they are now. Take inventory of your own marriage and do what’s best for you and your spouse. 6. Love is a daily choice. You chose each other as husband and wife and you will always have to keep choosing each other as long as you’re married. Like anything marriage requires maintenance and love requires to be refueled, refined and reignited. A flame doesn’t stay lit on it’s own – keep the fire burning. 7. Communication is key. Over communicate to make sure you stay on the same page. Don’t expect your spouse to know what you’re thinking or how you feel.  Tell them your plans, thoughts and emotions. BONUS: *PRAYER* When you don’t know what to do, say, or if you feel like giving up, be still, pray and let God lead you. This has worked many times over for me.  Marriage is a beautiful thing when you both are willing to make it work!     Hello, my name is Shilene Aaron and I’m a wife, mother of 4, believer, podcaster and I created The Mama Mogul brand because I’m passionate about inspiring women and especially passionate about mothers.  I wanted to create a platform for mothers where they felt comfortable sharing their experiences, struggles and joy within their motherhood journey without judgement.  My mission is to offer a community of support & encouragement  I wish I had early on in my motherhood journey. You can connect with Shilene on Instagram @themamamogul and please tune into The Mama Mogul Podcast at anchor.fm/themamamogul or any of your favorite listening platforms.  If you would like to collaborate please email me at Shilene.aaron@gmail.com.  

This summer my husband and I ventured off to a bed and breakfast for some much needed time together. While looking at the plethora of books in the library I stumbled upon The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. The next day while sunbathing in the hammock I read about specific prayers that we as wives should be praying over our spouses. Instead of doing a book recap, I want to share the current prayers for my husband and hopefully inspire you to do the same. Prayer =  Transparency In a moment of full disclosure…this has probably been one of the toughest seasons that we as a family have had to navigate.  As a result, priorities change, our focus can shift, and instead of pulling together, we pull apart. We pull apart to try and fix it on our own instead of joining together to battle in prayer for our family. While reading her book my eyes opened to the fact that this was occurring in my marriage. I had to make a decision and it started with prayer. Prayer one: Priorities Lord, I pray that___________ will seek you first and your kingdom because your Word says that if we do that then all these things will be given to us. I love the message version which says “Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, and God-provisions. You’ll find your everyday human concerns will be met.” Matthew 6:33 My husband is the leader of our family and so oftentimes he can bear the weight of being a great husband, loving father, wonderful provider and the list goes on and on. If not careful he will try to fulfill those roles within his strength which can lead to frustration, anxiety, and burnout. All of those things can eventually trickle down into our families. So we must be diligent in covering our husbands in prayer, particularly in the area of their priorities.   Prayer two: Mind Lord, remind _______to cast his anxiety (worries)on you because you care for him. God’s strong arm is on you: he’ll promote you at the right time. Love carefree before God, he is most careful with you. 1 Peter 5:7 (MSG) Our husbands are not in this alone and they were not built to carry the load by themselves. Their heavenly Father loves them and wants them to lean on Him as well. The root cause of anxiety is fear and fear is the opposite of love. Let’s believe for our spouses to be free from fear and to walk in His love. When they do we along with our children, business partners, office mates, etc will reap the benefits. Prayer three: Focus Lord, it is so easy to get distracted by the pursuit of things, disappointments, and just life! Help_______ to keep his eyes fixed on you. We must keep our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete. He endured the shame of being nailed to a cross, because he knew, later on, he would be glad he did. Now he is seated at the right side of God’s throne. So keep your mind on Jesus, who put up with many insults from sinners. Then you won’t get discouraged and give up. Hebrews 12:2-3 (CEV) Jesus is our great example and endured a lot. In life, we will face good and bad times but through it all, we must look to Him as our source of encouragement and hope. Prayer four: Leadership Lord as ____________ leads our home I pray that he would have the heart of a servant and that he would follow your lead for our family. Our husbands are the fierce leaders of our home. We have been taught to submit and follow our husbands. Leadership for believers is about serving and putting others before oneself. Christ did that for us when He willingly died on the cross for our sins. The prayer for my husband simply comes from Ephesians 5:22-28. Check out the Message Bible version, the translation is so clear because it addresses both the husband and wife.   Prayer five: Intimacy Lord, help us to cling to one another and become one flesh as it says in Genesis 2:24-25 as we seek to please each other joyfully and without shame. Yup…I put it in here. I said it. Intimacy in a marriage is very important and oftentimes an area that the enemy will try to attack to cause division. Division will create confusion which can lead to apathy, resentment, and unspoken frustration. All of these things will hinder your marriage, prayers, and impact for the kingdom. We must remember 1 Corinthians 16:20 that says we are not our own. We were bought with a price and to honor God with our bodies. Bonus prayer: For the wives Lord, I ask that you would help me to live out Ephesians 5:22 and 33 by submitting, respecting, supporting, and understanding my husband in Jesus’ name, Amen. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  Ephesians 5:22 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:33 We need to pray specific, Biblical prayers to be the wife God has called us to be for our husbands as well.  Put these prayers to work, trust God, and love your husband.

As a new wife I made many rookie mistakes but one mistake in particular lead to devastating consequences. I found myself caught in the comparison trap and I would nag about how infrequent my husband gave thought to our time spent together. I always felt like date night had to be some super romantic occurrence that would require him to turn into Prince Charming who would ride in on a horse and carriage to pick me up and cart me away to find my silver slipper. Boy did I have it wrong! I ended up driving a wedge between us because he felt that I did not accept him for who he was as my husband. This then lead to a downward spiral in our marriage because we both felt unappreciated. Communication broke down and date night was non-existent. How I Am Learning to Love Again The blog post entitled “How I Am Learning To Love Again” shares how we are fighting our way back to each other and I have received a few questions about what this looks like. Prioritizing our dating life is at the top of our “to-do” list. It is a necessity but rethinking our dating life has really helped us to ensure that we are intentional about making time for each other. We have a goal of getting out together at least once a month. Sometimes we exceed this goal and sometimes we reach it by the skin of our teeth but we work together to make the goal a reality.   So how do I rethink Date Night Danielle? I am so glad you asked! Tip #1: Get rid of unrealistic expectations and focus on what works for YOUR marriage Date Night may become Date Day. Date Night or Day may become a time for handling household business or running errands (ie. Walmart/Sam’s Club/Grocery Run). Consider the fact that you are together and make the best of those moments to talk, laugh, and let your hair down around each other. Tip #2: Schedule Your Time Together We literally put two dates on the calendar per month based around other obligations. We both have hobbies and things that we like to do in addition to spending time with our guy/girl pals, which is also important. Then there’s Madison’s schedule AND finding childcare. Scheduling our time has been a game changer for us because we walk past the calendar that we use to schedule things everyday so we have a constant reminder to make things happen. Tip #3: Plan The Activity in Advance I am not dismissing the importance of spontaneity and creativity but I have learned that if there is something that I am interested in doing during our time together, I ask Carlos to consider it and he does the same. Communication is very important and planning our time together helps us to ensure that we are making equitable decisions. Tip #4 Be Flexible and Willing To Compromise Carlos is a sports fan. I am NOT.  He has recently taken a huge interest in playing golf. He actually played in a tournament last weekend and a little birdie (my father-in-law who was on his team) told me that he played really well. He wants to take me on a date to the golf range so that I can “see his skills.” The first thing that came to my mind was the heat. I am also not a fan of hot weather. However, I quickly came to my senses and considered how important this is to him. I also considered how he has supported me in my decision to begin blogging and how he has willingly taken photos, listened to my writing, and invested in my new interest financially. So I will brave the heat this time just so I can see his squirm when I drag him to get a pedicure on our next date! Tip #5 Don’t Complicate Things Relax. Have fun. Value the time you will spend with each other. Ultimately dating your spouse should be enjoyable. It should help create deeper intimacy and it should increase the level of communication within your marriage. The possibilities are endless from binge watching Netflix in your PJs to splurging on a romantic dinner at a five star establishment. We should view every experience as an opportunity to grow closer to our spouse.   I hope these tips helps. Each tip has been tested and tried by yours truly! Happy dating and above all else never underestimate the importance of dating your spouse.