As a new wife I made many rookie mistakes but one mistake in particular lead to devastating consequences. I found myself caught in the comparison trap and I would nag about how infrequent my husband gave thought to our time spent together. I always felt like date night had to be some super romantic occurrence that would require him to turn into Prince Charming who would ride in on a horse and carriage to pick me up and cart me away to find my silver slipper. Boy did I have it wrong!
I ended up driving a wedge between us because he felt that I did not accept him for who he was as my husband. This then lead to a downward spiral in our marriage because we both felt unappreciated. Communication broke down and date night was non-existent.
The blog post entitled “How I Am Learning To Love Again” shares how we are fighting our way back to each other and I have received a few questions about what this looks like.
Prioritizing our dating life is at the top of our “to-do” list. It is a necessity but rethinking our dating life has really helped us to ensure that we are intentional about making time for each other. We have a goal of getting out together at least once a month. Sometimes we exceed this goal and sometimes we reach it by the skin of our teeth but we work together to make the goal a reality.
So how do I rethink Date Night Danielle? I am so glad you asked!
Get rid of unrealistic expectations and focus on what works for YOUR marriage
Date Night may become Date Day. Date Night or Day may become a time for handling household business or running errands (ie. Walmart/Sam’s Club/Grocery Run). Consider the fact that you are together and make the best of those moments to talk, laugh, and let your hair down around each other.
Schedule Your Time Together
We literally put two dates on the calendar per month based around other obligations. We both have hobbies and things that we like to do in addition to spending time with our guy/girl pals, which is also important. Then there’s Madison’s schedule AND finding childcare. Scheduling our time has been a game changer for us because we walk past the calendar that we use to schedule things everyday so we have a constant reminder to make things happen.
Plan The Activity in Advance
I am not dismissing the importance of spontaneity and creativity but I have learned that if there is something that I am interested in doing during our time together, I ask Carlos to consider it and he does the same. Communication is very important and planning our time together helps us to ensure that we are making equitable decisions.
Be Flexible and Willing To Compromise
Carlos is a sports fan. I am NOT. He has recently taken a huge interest in playing golf. He actually played in a tournament last weekend and a little birdie (my father-in-law who was on his team) told me that he played really well. He wants to take me on a date to the golf range so that I can “see his skills.”
The first thing that came to my mind was the heat. I am also not a fan of hot weather. However, I quickly came to my senses and considered how important this is to him. I also considered how he has supported me in my decision to begin blogging and how he has willingly taken photos, listened to my writing, and invested in my new interest financially. So I will brave the heat this time just so I can see his squirm when I drag him to get a pedicure on our next date!
Don’t Complicate Things
Relax. Have fun. Value the time you will spend with each other. Ultimately dating your spouse should be enjoyable. It should help create deeper intimacy and it should increase the level of communication within your marriage. The possibilities are endless from binge watching Netflix in your PJs to splurging on a romantic dinner at a five star establishment. We should view every experience as an opportunity to grow closer to our spouse.
I hope these tips helps. Each tip has been tested and tried by yours truly! Happy dating and above all else never underestimate the importance of dating your spouse.